Sunday, September 25, 2011

Where Im at.

Well, physically Im feeling really good these days. Been killing it at the gym and my thyroid, *I think*, has leveled out and so Im not feeling fainty much at all anymore. My joints aren't getting swollen and Ive been doing my own little strength training before some of my classes at the gym since I don't work out wih anyone anymore. Its a nice quiet 30-45 minutes of me time and I must say I can kick my butt :0) I think Im in remission again as far as lyme goes, I haven't had any of the crazy unbearable pain, Im able to focus on what Im doing, and almost all my twitches are gone again except Ive noticed when I stress out my shoulder does this annoying shrug thing- the same shoulder that "froze" about 6 months back and a couple of weeks ago was getting sluggish to move so I put myself on doxycycline for about a week and it came back to normal.
It occurs to me as Im writing this, that us with lyme refer to parts of our bodies as if they are seperate entities. As if they have their own agenda and mission. A main thread I see, especially with those newly diagnosed ( and I still get into this thought) is that our bodies are working against us, they hold us back. Im here to say that only we hold ourselves back. Not just those of us with lyme, but the ones with body image issues (Im guilty here as well), or with mental or physical handicaps. Only YOU limit your potential. There are things I have failed at, plenty of them. Currently with Protandim I feel like Ive failed a lot of people by going about getting them the info the wrong way and now they refuse to listen and that could cost them dearly. I failed at being the perfect big sister to Nick and Delayna either by doing too much for them or too little. I failed Daizey, oh did I fail her... but you know what? Its not the amount of times you fall but the number of times you stand back up.
 Im getting up again, it's hard. It's killing me. But in a lot of people I see inspiration. My grandma/ grandpa and mom and dad are big ones for what they've accomplished in their lives- for being active politically and investing so much love into our family and fighting so hard for us. In my friend G who overcame breastcancer and is working diligently everyday to help others suffering with maladies, and Jess who is helping her do that. To Juliana who I have never met but am friends with online and has had a very bad time of late with the progression of lyme but still continues to push for her rights to treatment and to be a great mom to a gorgeous little boy even when its excruciating for her to hold him. To Leslie and Tracy and Tamara and Erin who are some of the best moms I know and also (3/4 of them) some of the best business partners one could have. To my longest/ unnexpected friend Michelle who has gone through so much in the last couple of years but keeps plucking along and I KNOW good things are going to happen for her if she just keeps trying. There are tons more but as I type this free-written thats what comes to mind and it's not what I originally intended to write about tonight.
No matter where Im at mentally I know I can think of these special people and draw solace in the fact that if they can strive and push forward, so can I. No matter if Im having a bad day which lately has been more mental than physical or if I were to become disabled due to this disease, I think of them. I <3 you guys.